|The picture isn't mine|
There's something funny about number three.
Probably you are familiar with the word, "Three is a charm.". Most people believe that if you try something for the third times, you'll be succeed. During some sort of AFS lecture, my senior said that the first 3 months for exchange student would be the hardest yet it would be the key of how successful your exchange would be.
Remember the post I made on the last week of January, when I wrote that I had no power to write anything? I had a recovery time from my post-break up moment. I avoid some of social medias, because I just don't want to see my ex's posts around. Yes, it may sound like I'm running away but that's the best way for me, to forget him, and ease the pain.
February is the third month of me, being single. I don't know why but after I talked on the phone for 2 hours with my good buddy, I felt tired. I realized that I had to love myself, there were no use for me to stalk him, he's now with someone else so why should I worry about him. Then, boom, my heart feels lighter until now.
It's my third month, and I kinda get used to be single. I'm back thinking about how could I be so depressed, had lost my sleeping time, and so on. I still miss him sometimes, but it doesn't really hurt. So, I am back using my social medias, I brave myself to write something on my blog again.
Having post-break up phase sucks, I have to admit it. What John Mayer said on 'Dreaming With A Broken Heart' song is just so true, the waking up is the hardest part.
I remember those days. (Guess I should write it down clearly, I believe some of you may be hurting right now and think that no one understands you, so here we go):
I woke up with my eyes swollen, dizzy head, and wet cheeks. The first thing I thought when I saw my reflection was, "Geez, I look like a frog.". I felt no passion to go to college, but I knew that if I stayed, I'd cry again. Took bath, hoped for the swollen eyes to be better (but it didn't), went to the college, got asked by some of my friends (even my seniors), told them what happened, cried, went back to my rent room, cried myself to sleep, repeat.
It happened constantly for almost 2 weeks every month. Yes, that bad.
Every time I felt better, there must be something that made me cry again. It happened.
I told my friends about the same problem, they told me about how my ex doing and how I should be back then.
I was killing myself, mentally and physically. For some people this may sound so drama, and overacting, but believe me, when you have your heart broken - badly - you have to pass this sickening phase.
Some people judge me for being so vulnerable, which I was (and am sometimes). But every person has different time range to move on, and feeling is not something that you can delete right away. It needs process, the hell damn process. And, memories. Our brain is not a USB, which you can't delete your memories whenever you want. Memories will stay in your brain forever, it's just placed into two different places; conscious or unconscious. You can't erase the memories, you can only repress them to the unconsciousness, and it also takes time.
There were times when I didn't want to listen to my friends' advice, I guess that's okay. You're hurting and not able to think rationally. What I did was still, talk to my friends, but different people. I talked to A, then B, then to C, until maybe Z. They have their own opinion that may lead you to another conclusion. That's what I did. I talked to them, cried, then listened to their advice. I didn't instantly absorb all of it, geez, weren't I screwed that time. When I found something that slapped me, some words that awoken me, there was the time when I recalled every detail, every advice that I heard, and made my own conclusion.
If you're reading this, and you're having your heart broken badly, I know how you feel. I really do.
It's okay to cry, it's okay to feel vulnerable, it's okay for you to feel like no one understands you, it's okay to think why he did that to you, it's okay.
Just feel what you want to feel, but don't lose faith. Believe that there are so many people that care about you, so talk to them, tell them what you feel.
I had 3 months until I feel totally better like this. Even though, I know that one day I'll be down again, and have to go through those phases - the phase when you have to feel hurt again. Still, I believe it won't be as bad as I had at the first 3 months. I sometimes sit and think about the pain, and I can feel it slightly, but it eases.
So, here it is. Three is a charm for me, and it works on my post-break up phase. Maybe this is just how universe plays with my heart. This is just the art of having my heart broken, so I can learn. Now, I still don't think to find a new boyfriend, I need time for myself. Yes, I like someone now, I really like him.. and I kinda wait for him, but for now, I just want to be with myself, my family, and my friends.
So if you're having your heart broken, remember, this is just the phase you have to go through. You're gonna nail this. I believe in you.
Love yourself first.
Ps. This post is dedicated for my best friends... And for someone I really like; the one who stayed late 'til 3 in the morning, just to listen to my problems. The one who spent his sleeping time to chat and talk to me on phone, to cheer me up.
I don't know if you're reading this or not, but I know you know who you are. You really are special for me. Thank you, like I've ever told you, "It means a lot.". Without your help, I won't be able to be better, and write this post.