Midnight Thoughts Running

Last night I had a weird dream.

I was at 3 different places.
First, I was sitting on my bed.  It was covered with white sheet, clean, and sleek.  I sat on the side of my bed, and there was my Aunt.  My aunt was sitting in front of computer, writing an e-mail that was addressed to me.  She didn't even glance to me, she was focus writing.
My room was not my own room.  It was dark, with a yellowish light from my desk.  The room was small, surrounded by book shelves, and the bed was different than the one that I have in my room/rent room.

And suddenly I was at the restaurant, sitting on the long dinner table.  There were some pastas, and juices in front of me.  Mine was pasta, and green tea latte.  I was talking someone who sat next to me, a girl, and suddenly, my foods were gone.  The restaurant itself was dark, and same with my room - yellowish light.

The last dream, I was back sitting on my bed again, I was confused.  The whole dream was dark, with dim-yellowish light.

The dream was pretty much weird because I had never had a dark-background dream before, as far as I can remember.  And there was my Aunt, she had been unconscious for 2 years, and it shocked me she was there in my dream.  Wrote an E-mail for me..

And I feel like crying, and talking to someone who can just calm me,
I really wish I had someone every time I am busy, and overwhelmed with this feeling.


{Taking A Break}

Meeting best friends can be counted as the best thing I have so far during this holiday.  Met Della, Hana, and Farah.  3 girls I love the most in my life.  Pleasant times, indeed.  Good meals, good coffees, fun conversations, pictures captured.  I love them most.

Holiday seems to be vague for me, because I'm now dealing with a big event that is held by Komunitas Mahasiswa Bogor Unpad.  I was chosen to be one of the division's coordinator, which I have found out... pretty much making me busy.  I am trying to enjoy it.

I enjoy being at Bogor, but I really miss Jatinangor, and Bandung.  I miss the devil circle, the night ride, my rent room.  My second family in Jatinangor is the one I really miss at the moment.  Home, my second home, and I want to go back for a while.

This is gonna be a blah post because I have been so dizzy, so hard to sleep because I can not stop thinking about the responsibilities I am handling right now.  I wish I had someone I could talk to 24/7 *exhale*

Anyway, these are my recent updates:

  • Current reading:  Revolt in Paradise by K'tut Tantri
  • Current listening: Float - Sementara

  • Current addiction: Matthew Gray Gubler

    Matthew Gray Gubler
    hdkshdkshdskhxnsjnd I can't even.


Trouble Sleeping's List.

Let's make a list about what's happening nowadays.
  1. I want to re-watch Submarine.  The movie is just beautiful, I love the cinematography, I love the story line (it's so simple), and the soundtrack (Alex Turner ugh).
  2. Reading a non-fiction (finally).  Revolt in Paradise from K'tut Tantri.
  3. Still haven't finished reading Cell by Stephen King.  That guy really knows how to play your mind.
  4. And still haven't finished reading The Sound of Music by Maria von Trapp.
  5. Can not wait to read After Dark by Haruki Murakami.
  6. And I have 2 books that I have, want to read, but haven't read.
  7. Officially a fangirl of Japanese detective drama "Hero" (played by Kimura Takuya).
  8. My playlist is kinda stuck with Ben Howard, Local Natives, Lord Huron, and M.I.A.  I think, I need to contact my music-expert-friends ASAP.
  9. Community Service responsibility.  I haven't checked the organization yet.  And it scares the hell out of me.
  10. And don't forget one of my event that I'm involved to.
  11. I am thinking about my ex lately.  Guess I need to go out more, and meet another people.  It's unhealthy.
  12. Or just irrational thoughts about people in my past, and this is so general.
  13. I am officially addicted with black & white fashion stuffs.  (I'm in love with Charles and Keith's this season collections.  SO BOLD)
  14. And officially addicted with over-sized outwear(s).  Boyfriend sweater is the best.
  15. And also, boyfriend jeans.
  16. But I have no boyfriend.
  17. And money to buy it (and books) (boyfriend is not defined in the word 'it').  I have to work, really.
  18. Constantly check my Ask.fm account because I am just bored as hell.
  19. Anyway, the public transportation fee is becoming overpriced now!  I'm crying.
  20. I guess I need a person who I can discuss with at 1 - 3 am.
  21. Or maybe I should go back to Jatinangor ASAP.
  22. And, the good news is, I printed printable calendar for my journal, and a 'reading challenge' sheet too.  I feel a bit productive.
  23. I have a trouble sleeping, and the urge to write anything on my blog, or tumblr.
  24. My tumblr's personal post is full of sad posts, a little bit depressive, well please just let me be.
  25. I miss my high school mates.
  26. But then again, it involves my ex, because too bad his friends are mine too, and I want to meet his friends too.
  27. Holy crap I should stop this.
  28. Or maybe I should go out more, so I can meet new people, and maybe I can find someone attractive.
  29. It's weird because at some point, I feel like I'm done dealing with romantic feelings, but at another point, I have a consideration to share it with someone.
  30. Which confuses me a lot.
  31. Maybe I'm still scared to get hurt.
  32. Or maybe I'm just a coward, when it comes to love.
  33. Or maybe it's Maybelline.
  34. UGH
  35. Well, I guess, I should just go to sleep.

Bonus, two favorite posts that I found on my tumblr dash:

Good night, sleep tight,
I hope January treats you well!



So this is my first post in 2015, but please let me flashback to 2014 first.

2014 was a roller coaster, a very scary one.
My love story was (is) completely a mess; from post-break up, the ultimate struggle for moving on, fell in love with my crushes, got rejections, until now I'm at the 'what the hell is love but excuse me can I have a boyfriend' phase.
I learned a lot in 2014, and got so many chances.  Thank you for psychology environment where I really learn to be a human, and makes me think about a lot of things about human.  It's tiring, but whatever, this is the path I've chosen.

Well, let me rethink about 2014...
  1. The ultimate struggle after break-up.  This shit was my main problem in 2014, I got depression for almost 8 months, can you believe me.  I cried for months, had trouble sleeping, no appetite.
  2. Le crush(es).  I fell in love with hmmm maybe 2 boys?  That I really had crush to.  One was untold, one had known my feeling because I confessed to him, but yes, I got 'no' from both of them. It looks like 2014 is not a year for my love life.
  3. Failed to get a student exchange scholarship to Japan.  It was, really, hard-breaking.  I almost made it, 4/5 steps.  But sadly, because of the economic problem, and I don't know, parents' permission really has something to do with this.  I failed at the presentation step, right after my Dad told me that the scholarship (it was only tuition free) was not worth enough, he could not really afford the expenses, so he told me to withdraw it. Right the next day, the result of the selection came, and I wasn't passed.  Sad, but a relief, but still, heart-breaking.
  4. A year when I change my perspectives.  My friends are much various now.  Say, from the very intellectual, academic people, to slacky, lazy people.  They are all fun.  Especially my devil circle, they taught me a lot in 2014.
  5. A year when I first bought my own make up.  Actually, only a red lipstick, and an eye liner, but I guess this is worth to be written.
  6. A year when I decided to cut my hair shorter, and keep it short.  Because it's simple, and classy, and edgy, and it's just Syifa.
  7. Fashion interest >>>>>>.  Blame it on my living based, Bandung is so fashionable, and inspiring.  My fashion interest gets even even even more, and I really am changing my style.  Hello black, hello white, and uhm, creme.  A bit of vintage touch is still on my side, but it's really decreasing.
  8. A year when I finally have a target to save my money.  For the sake of Dr. Martens.  Yes, you may call me shallow, but ugh, I need it okay.
  9. A year when I realized that family is really important.  No need further explanation.
  10. A year when I met someone in a peculiar way.  This, too, no further explanation for now.  It's not in a romantic way, well, at least for now.
  11. Being staffs for my faculty's events.  Hell yeah, was it fun.  My favorite one was when I became an Art Division Staff for Olimpiade Psikologi (Ompsi) 2014.  It was the most fun, memorable event I had ever involved to!
  12. My playlist.  I don't know but I feel like 2014 was a year when I made playlist almost each month, and my music taste is getting more various.  It's a fun year for my music aspect.
  13. A year when I have found some of my favorite things.  I like taking picture of corridors, I love books, being at the book stores or libraries, listening to infamous singers, drawing, designing clothes, stalking artsy people, reading blogs, going to art exhibitions, and hanging out.  Also, I love green tea, chocolate, and everything that tastes good.
  14. New criteria.  For a boyfriend.  I don't know but all of sudden, my type of guy has changed.  I want to get know an artsy kind of guy.  It's probably not as a future husband, but well, why can't I have it for a boyfriend.  I mean, give it a try.
  15. Still single.  Yes, sadly.  Meanwhile my ex had been in a relationship for twice, even three times (!!!).  So fast, but I don't regret of being single.  I met so many people, hang out with guys without worrying about boyfriend, and I can be as busy as I want.
Those 15 things are on my mind, when I have to tell you about 2014.  In 3 words?  It was fun.

So, Syifa, now what do you expect for 2015?
Well, I won't call it as a resolution, because it's a whole bullcrap.  Let's just make it as a wish/hope, and bear it on my mind, to be the reasons why I should be better.

2015 is not gonna be easier, but I am 100% sure that I'm going to have a great adventure later.  My messed up love life is gonna have something in it, for better or worse, I don't know.  I am going to read more books, register myself for another events (please I hope I can be a volunteer for fashion events), drink more green tea, save my money for fashion items, and God I'm begging you, in 2015 please there will be a travel time for me.  I want to go to Japan again, if I could, I really miss my host family.

In short, 2015 is gonna be a year when I will learn much more, not sure if I'm going to have lots of tears falling but, well, we'll see.  I had survived, so why can't I this time?

Well, it's past midnight so HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Be safe out there people, have fun, have fun, and be good!

Bonus!  My current favorite song:

Karmageddon - M.I.A

Sheez this girl is ruled.  I just can not stop listening to her songs, and her style tho'.

Anyway, once again, Happy new year!


Christmas Date

It's Christmas!

For those who are celebrating it, how was your day?

Like I had told you on my latest post, I had a Christmas date (shall we call that) with my dear friend, Aulia.  I had known her for 2 years, since Kizuna, and kinda stuck with her.  Actually, she's 2 years younger than I am, but she had acceleration class (twice), so she's on the same batch with me in University of Indonesia.

Around 10:50, we met at the Bogor Station.  She came here with train, and it was so long since the last time I met her.  Like, 7 months ago.  We went to Bogor Botanical Garden, where was crowded with families from all over places.  Aulia couldn't stop complaining about how many people in the Botanical Garden, like duh Aulia, it's holiday, what'd you expect?  Lol.  We walked around for a while, found a place to sit and had some chit chat, took pictures, and walked around again.

Her tote bag is my soon to be!  I have been wanting the tote bag, going to buy it soon :p

After that we went to Botani Square.  She brought her Instax with no refill, so she bought the refill first.  It was great, we had lunch, and I told her I had always wanted to take pictures at supermarket.  Guess what?  She made it happened!  Except that we had not been inside the shopping cart...  The supermarket was so crowded, so we didn't do it (but probably, will!).  After that, we went to Starbucks because the lady was too tired.  She even fell asleep LOL. And also we took pictures with Instax.

The funniest part was, she wanted to write down something on our Instax pictures, but the barista wouldn't lend us the Sharpie.  I told her to go to book store, and maybe, we could use it.. So we did it.
We picked 7 colorful Sharpie, went to the quite corner of Gramedia, and wrote down things on our pictures.  "We have to do this really quick," I remember Aul said it!  Hahaha, it was like stealing, but actually we were not.  We were just using the sample!  :p
There's one picture of myself, and she wrote down in Bahasa: "Definition of ups and downs friend."
Well, I'm touched.

Yes, as you can see my day was spent really great.  It was fun to hang out with my favorite girl again.  She's going back to Lombok (her hometown) tomorrow afternoon.

Safe flight, gurl!  I had so much fun, and it feels so good to blog about my daily life again :)
Anyway, merry Christmas!  Happy holiday! xx