People's Thoughts and Yours

If you meet someone who you think he's nice, but your society says the other way?  What will you do?

The question has been all over my head these days.  People say the one who knows the best for you, is yourself, but the fact is not that easy.  You will always listen to others, no matter how hard you try to be ignorant about people's opinions.

It's quite hard when the opinions come from your significant people's mouth, because basically they know you, and they have some scenarios in their mind about what we're facing.  Too bad because sometimes it's the opposite of what you think.  Like, when you have an opinion that someone is nice, but they tell you that he might be not as nice as we think.  And you can't deny the cognitive dissonance in your mind: really?  Is he really like that?  But he has been nice to me, but why do my significant people tell me that?

The fact that 3 significant people in my life said the same thing to me, is quite worrying me.  I have always had a good impression about people I met, especially when we have so much in common.  It's like you meet the missing part of your puzzle, and you get excited with it.  At first, I thought my unbiological brothers told me to be careful based on my past experience.  I didn't mind, because I knew they were worrying me, they were afraid that I'd probably get hurt again.  Until one of my best friend, said the same thing, and it bothered me.
They have extended the possibilities, while on my side, I am stick to the scenes that we are having right now.  That's easy because it's too early to make a conclusion, the data is not enough.  That's why I always think that nothing is wrong with what I'm doing.

I hate the fact that they told me the possibilities based on their experience.  Sometimes, stereotype can be really annoying.  Like, seriously, not all the possibilities you had experienced would happen to me, right?  But sometimes, because they had ever experienced it, they became so sure, and aware.
I could not deny the fact that I was upset.  There was nothing wrong with what I was doing, it was just part of my social needs, and I enjoyed it, why could not I have it?

So I decided to discuss it with some of my friends, and I am really glad that I have found the answer.
Remember this whenever you hear a judgment from others about someone you know:
  1. People just care about you, and don't want to get hurt.  They tell you to mind your own action, because not everyone is good...  But it doesn't mean everyone is bad also.  Just do whatever you think that's good for you.  As long as you enjoy it, as long as it doesn't harm you, so why not?  They just afraid that the worst thing will happen to you, even though it doesn't mean it will always happen.
  2. Everyone you meet has a right to be known by your side.  It's like when you are becoming a friend with someone.  Others can tell him/her about the bad side of you, it's their choice to listen or not.  But you have a right to be known as yourself, from what your action towards them.  That's what my friend told me, and I really like this one.  Everyone needs to be known as him/herself, no matter where s/he comes from, no matter where s/he has the socialization.
  3. As long as you know what you are feeling, and doing, everything is fine.  What confuses you is the opinions.  Just don't make it, instantly, to be your action towards someone.  Filter it.
Yes, in the end, it comes back to the earliest conclusion.  The choice is on my hand, and what I choose is I will let the time answers my question.  It's too early to make a conclusion now, I want to enjoy everything that I have found enjoyable, and made me happy.  Why should I withdraw it, just because people's opinions?  I'm using it as the guide for my action, but it doesn't mean it will be a burden for me.

Though I'm learning psychology, and I learn about perceptions and so on, I always stick to the number one rule: individual differences.  Everyone has their own brain, and heart that you can't control.  Quoting from my long-lost sister:
I will never be able to tell you not to, when it comes to feeling because you won't listen.  So just do whatever makes you happy, you don't need to be confused because until now you still understand what you feel.  What you feel is still crystal clear, so for now, no need to worry.

Well, at least, the cognitive dissonance is no longer with me now.
Anyway, Madeon - my favorite DJ from France - had just released new music video for his latest single!  I'm so in love with the song, it's so beautiful.  And the music video is amazing, I love it.

Oh, and I update my tumblr better recently.  Because blogspot is not really suitable for me to post random things that happen on my daily life.  Tumblr is the answer because posting too much on Path will be annoying, twitter is limited, instagram is only for pictures, so... my tumblr is the answer!  Haha.  Kindly check it here.  My daily life has been good, except I'm having my finals!  Wish me luck!

Have a great day!


Applying Theories In My Life.. And It Turns Out...

This Monday, I will have my final exams week.  A whole week with exams.  I don't even know what should I say about this because I'm pretty much stressed out, and freaked out since I had been lazy this semester.
The sophomore year is such a temptation.  You join so many clubs, event crews, and all you want to do is have fun, fun, and more fun.  The studying method is not changing from the junior year, it feels boring, because we're learning the same things.  Even if we learn something new, we just simply get bored.

I had come to the phase where I had a thought that I was in a wrong major.  I should had been in literature, maybe it would be more suitable, instead of studying psychology here.  My senior said, it was normal, and everybody would have that phase, at least once in their college life time.  So, I tried to overcome it, and suggesting myself that this phase will end.

Anyway, I will have my social psychology exam this Monday, and there are 2 theories from social psychology that is now happening in my life.

1.  Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive dissonance in social psychology, happens when your belief is not the same with others.  Have you ever had a moment when you ask yourself, "Really?  Why?  How come?" when someone tells you about something?  Easy example: you see a very cute & sweet looking guy, and your friends tell you that he is a pervert.  You will automatically feel doubt about it, like no way, how come a cute and sweet looking guy like him becomes a pervert?
Now that's, my friend, what we call as cognitive dissonance.
So, what I believe these days, turns out different with 3 significant people in my life.  My mind is in a war, why did they say it, why can't I see what they are seeing.

2.  Naive Theory
Naive theory is a condition when we have a wrong perception about someone, based on the partial facts.  Like, we think that a sweet looking guy is a good guy... but turns out, he is a womanizer, and heart-breaker.  Naive theory is very common in daily life, for girls, happen mostly in love life.
Now I'm having the battle inside my head, does my opinion about someone's kindness count as naive theory?

You know, sometimes when you're studying psychology, you use theories to solve your confusion, but it gets you nowhere.  But please notice that, this only happens when you try to use it to your own problem.

Yes baby, it's easier to solve others' problem with theories, instead of our owns'.

Source: Pinterest



I Will Never Be Completely Healed

I had loved a boy once.
With who I spent my 3,5 years with.
The one who I thought our love would last forever.
A boy who made me believe in love again.

But the word "The one who you love most is the one who can hurt you most" is true.
Because that boy did hurt me,
In a way that anyone could ever do to me.
It felt like all the good-byes were told, all at once.

I guess the scars he left on me,
Are deeper than I thought it would be.
Because it has been a year, after he said goodbye.
But I haven't been completely healed.

There are nights when the tears fall,
Because of him.
There are nights when I listen to sad songs, and cry,
Because of him.

Why is it so easy for him,
To leave,
And be with someone else?

Though the guard is slowly down,
I'm still scared.
Even to make an expectation, I'm too scared to get hurt again.
Whenever I like someone, I always have that feeling inside me.
That I'd get hurt again.
That a beautiful love life is irrational for me.

I won't have the same perspective about love again.
I won't.

And I guess, I will never be completely healed.


Never Gonna Change - Broods

And I hate that I can't say your name,
Without feeling like I'm part of the blame.
And it's never gonna feel quite the same.
But it's never gonna change.

And I hate that I'm always so young.
Had me feeling like you were the one.
And it's never gonna feel like it's done.
'Cause it's never gonna change.

November's brutally on repeat song.


Au Revoir? No, Not Yet

When I was at the local coffee shop, I noticed a notification from ask.fm on my tab.  A new question, from anon, asked about my post before this.
Here's my answer towards the question about expecting him to return his feeling or not (http://ask.fm/cfadilla/answer/121386689475).

"If you want something, you should go to get it.  Do some efforts, so you will get the answer later on."
Yes, indeed, brother.  I know the theory, but sadly I'm a hopeless romantic, with a very pessimist heart.

I love to write, and blog is my own place to express my feeling.  I have been an open book, and this is my book.  I'm a shy person when it comes to love thingy, I feel braver to write it down. So here it is, another cheesy thoughts on my blog.

Everything is so bizarre these days, I don't know what he's thinking about my feeling, and what should I do with my feeling.  His closest friend told me that I had to tell him about how I feel, to make it clearer, but I'm not sure.  I feel like giving up, but all the things were said.  There is no turning back.

Love is weird, isn't it?  It is a real roller coaster for your emotion.  It makes you smiling from ear to ear, but it has an ability to make you cry the hell out of it.

Is it normal to cry on something that is not even yours?
I want to cry, I really do.  I often feel like crying but a part of me asking, why do you have to cry?
And it makes me think again,
Did I make a wrong move?
Did I choose the wrong path?
Why him?
Of all these people,
Why him?

Crying over him is the least thing I want because let's face the truths:
1. He doesn't do any harm to my feeling.
2.  It is the situation, the condition that makes me sad, not him.

Some said I should just go with the flow, but what if the flow takes me to nowhere?  In the end, everything has to be put in a clear situation.  Either he tells me when to stop, or I stop making moves by my own realization.

I won't saying au revoir now, but a part of me trying to assure it.

All I want is giving, doing the good things to him.  Love is something bizarre, and maybe one day this particular feeling towards him will find a place.
Until that day,
I will do nothing but giving my efforts.